The Best Birthday Gift ever

Well, a week from now I will officially increase my age by 1.  This Baby Boomer will proudly declare that she is 66.  But with all the promises my tomorrows have brought to me everyday, I have always kept this thought nestled in the furthest reaches of my mind - "Why have I outlived my beautiful little boy".

I say furthest reaches as it is part of my grief and coping process.  The reality of Andy not being physically on this earth to hug me, to smile at me, to give me his Peace, has certainly been accepted.  And having accepted this undeniable part of my history, I have taken measures and precautions to put all in perspective.   So the reality is tucked away, safe among his beautiful memories.

The problem with that tucked away mechanism is that often times,  a beautiful memory gets released.  I hear Izzy singing our favorite Hawaiian song.  "Please, oh please let this memory be a single one" I beseech my soul.  "Please don't let his not being hear to sing with me piggy back the beauty of this moment".

Sometimes it works.   Sometimes it doesn't.  That is the grief process, Elaine.  And I certainly have devoted the majority of my blog to Andy and that very topic.

I am facing a break in the memory blockade so to speak.  As I face my birthday, I cringe.  I feel guilty.  My son died when he was 19 years old.   I was a Freshman at Thiel College when I was 19.  At that time, my life was just beginning to unfold.

Besides this birthday jolt to the memory vault, another event occurred recently that was bittersweet.  One of Andy's dear friends got married.  Last time I saw a picture of his friend, Andy was in that picture, too.  Then it occurred to me.  Andy would never be a husband, a father, an uncle.

I have been preparing myself for a period of diminished stamina to come.  My aging body, though accustomed to only seeing Andy in my dreams, has had much more difficulty in weathering some stormy patches.  I pray to God to give me strength.  And of course he never let's me down.

I decided to wear my Peace locket that encloses a picture of Andy with the engraving, "I'll see you in my dreams".  The darn clasp and my arthritic hands are a challenge, but the 15 minutes it took to have that beautiful picture drape over my heart was worth it.

That day, several patients commented on that locket.  It was so comforting.

But the best thing was coming home to my grandson Andrew.  He said, "Yia Yia, what is that".  I said that it was a locket and that it was very special to me.  "Why, Yia Yia?"  Because it opens up.  "Can I see?"

I opened the locket to reveal my beautiful Andy.  "Yia Yia, that's my name" and with that he gave me a hug.

My Birthday is coming up and I received the best gift I could have hoped for.  God knew I needed a hug.   I got the best one ever.   Happy Birthday to me.

The View? Whose View?

I have not written a new post for some time.  Normally I resurrect previous blogs that carry important reminders for those suffering from depression, grief, and, most recently, suicide awareness and prevention.


But then there are those moments that ignorance rears its ugly head.  In reviewing my past blogs, I have nothing addressing this topic.  And today gives me a perfect chance to call out on a group of individuals who have done just that.   They have shown their true colors, their bigotry, their prejudice, and for some absurd reason,  feel that they are immune to knowing facts and entitled to spew their disgust towards others. 


My concern?  Does ignorance beget ignorance?


Here is the reason for this blog today.  The "famous" ladies on "The View" stepped outside of their usual comfort zone of religion, politics and woman and gay rights yesterday and began to criticize a contestant in the Miss America Pageant.


Miss Colorado stepped out on to the stage in her nursing scrubs and her colorful nurse stethoscope around her neck (by the way, RN scopes come in a variety of colors) and proceeded to give the most touching monologue about her patient, Joe.  She exuded compassion and for the first time in Miss America Talent History, a person used her basic core  beliefs to demonstrate, more that a Chopin etude could, how intelligent and caring and mature and brave she was to take this risk and deviate from the norm. 


By all accounts on Facebook and You Tube, her beautiful words touched millions.  I have never seen such a response from a baton twirler or tapper, or opera singer.   It was truly refreshing.


But the idiot hosts on The View chose to ridicule her.  They commented on her stethoscope, stating that only doctors carry them.   Imagine the ignorance, the hatred, the bigotry.  Unbelievable.


I was a nurse before I was a physician and I am grateful for the lessons taught to me at every patient's bedside.  Then I decided to turn in my nurse's stethoscope for the Litman Stethescope - a most expensive model designed for doctors to detect the most subtle of changes in the heart and lungs.


Today, there is an outpouring on Facebook.  Nurses are taking pictures of themselves in full uniform, including, you guessed it, their stethoscope.    They are also asking for an apology from the ignorant hosts of the View.


Don't waste your requests on a bunch of women who should have been dismissed long ago.  Where there is hate and bigotry among viewers and a desire to feel better by putting others down, their will always be a following of this poor excuse of a TV program.


View?  Don't kid yourselves.  Are you that insecure that you have to criticize a nurse?   Shame on you.


Nurses, be proud of your profession and be glad you are not a poorly respected TV personality.  I am indebted to my experience as a nurse and the lessons learned.  It has made a difference in the way I practice Medicine.  I am a better doc for it.


Will this Blog be shared?  Will the View Staff read it?  Of course not.  No apology will be offered to this beautiful nurse showing compassion, but God forbid if we challenge race, gender, religion or politics.  The tables will surely be turned. 


How pathetic the media has become.  And the View has sunk to bottom-dwelling scum suckers.  Am I being bigoted in my remarks?  I don't think so.  I have repeatedly seen the hatred and divisiveness.  The facts speak for themselves.  You be the judge.


As for me, I call on anyone out there with a shred of decency to boycott The View until they can show some compassion for others.  I won't hold my breath.   My stethoscope will see to that!