FASHION - Four Boobies

I don't know about you, but I always have to do a reality check when watching the latest ads on TV promoting skin creams that promise to reduce "fine lines". If you really pay close attention, the models complaining about their so-called wrinkles can't be any older than 30. What happened, you poor little thing? Did your pillow case have a crease in it? I guarantee that streak will disappear by mid-morning. Oops - sorry. I did not mean for my disgust at these marketing madmen to show through. As we age our body does respond to various environmental factors that cannot be easily erased. Doctors may find some plant extract that promises a fountain of youth, but I cannot believe that the answer is that simple. If I want my face to look years younger, and I'm talking so dramatic that people do a double take, I would have to visit a very reputable plastic surgeon. But most of us cannot afford that. So - this article is devoted to an area of our body, often neglected, but if properly cared for can take years off of our appearance in seconds! Yes you read that correctly. And I am not a marketing madwoman.

Let's talk boobies. If I knew then what I know now, I would have been doing handstands, starting in my teens, to counteract the effects of gravity. But Mother Nature had it's way with me. My dear manicurist reminded me of the pencil test. If you can hold a pencil under your breast, you need to wear a bra. Are you kidding me? I can hold the whole darn pencil cup and anything else on my desk under these babies. And as I began to look like those granny caricatures with the breasts, one always longer that the other (my right one), I was more embarrassed to "bare" myself to a lingerie consultant in a department store. Anyhow, if you glance at the racks, your were lucky to find an E cup size. Where are the Z's?

So, I decided to go into the very popular and sexy lingerie store in the mall. I found a bra to snap in the back. At my age, that's all I need. Give me a big enough cup - the store's largest size is a 40EE - and I can fold these babies in anywhere. Here's the problem. I am a curler. You know that silly game on ice with brooms? Well, when I lean down to sweep the stone, I stand up with 4 boobies - yes, count them, 4! As eager as I was to slide my babies into this beautiful, lacy adornment, my babies were just as eager to release themselves from their misery. So what was the price of bringing home a lovely item in a pink bag that had my husband jumping for joy? "That's for you and not for daughter Molly - Wow Elaine"! A woman - realizing that I will never look like those models, even if I attached wings to my back.

How can we look years younger? Wear a bra that fits. Rather than sag or look like some sort of circus freak (I am sure my fellow curlers might think that), we can look perky. And being perky does take years off of our figures. I plan to find my tape measure and send into this wonderful website I found on line. I had guesstimated my size since I did not have the tape measure handy, thinking the answer would be, SORRY, you should have done handstands. But they actually carry cup sizes I never knew of. Hurray for us. And I am sorry to the male baby boomers reading this article. Although the content applies to women only, you might want to share it with your wife.

Here is Linda, the Bra Lady's website: http://www.lindasonline.com/bra-school.html

As we say on the ice, Good Curling. I know mine will be a lot more comfortable! Dr. Elaine