Explain this to me

I am writing this blog at the risk of creating outrage and losing the handful of people that actually read it.  But living in America, I do have my First Amendment rights.  So here goes.

Like most Americans, I was very much aware of the Zimmerman trial.  And when possible, I would listen, on Sirius, to the testimony as I travelled home from work.  I regretted not following it on TV as I missed the whole mannequin scene where both sides tried to convince the jury of Zimmerman's state of mind that fateful night.  It was more of a "he said - she said" trial it seemed.

My heart broke for the Martins.  I, too, lost a teenage son.  No one can possibly know their anguish, their anger.  But I can.  And I also tried to bring the drug dealer, responsible for my son's death, to trial. The County Prosecutor refused as he thought he would lose.  What?  Put me on the stand.  Let me testify.  I was denied that opportunity.

It seems so wrong that my state does not have a law that holds those miserable people accountable.  Other states do.  In the act of a felony, i.e., selling illegal drugs, that results in a death, i.e., my son's overdose, the individual is charged with murder.  Other states protect our children and ourselves with such a law.  I tried to appeal to our Governor and our state's legislature but did not succeed.  Explain this to me.

Now, despite the outcome of the trial, I was most fascinated with the process leading up to the announcement.  The racial component was front and center.  We had Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson speaking on behalf of the black community.  And, I am sorry, but I do not think that these gentlemen have the best interest of that community in mind.  Why?  Because I know that the majority of African-American deaths are caused by African-Americans.  The percentage?  93%.  So where is their outrage concerning this?  Bill Cosby addresses it.  To me, race relations will continue to be right beneath the surface on a day to day basis and when a Zimmerman comes along it begins to fester and a negative verdict causes an eruption.  Explain this to me.

The other fascinating thing I learned in listening to the trial was the description of George Zimmerman.  He was called a "white Puerto-Rican".  I had to look it up.  I never heard of that term.  Well, as you guessed, he has mixed blood - part white and part Puerto-Rican.  Well, since I have mixed heritage, am I a plaid-American?  Or, has anyone dared to call our President a white-African-American?  Why are we not consistent in how we label people, in how we think, in how we look at a situation.  Why do we need the "spin"? Well, because we are human-beings with emotions that have been manipulated ever since we were young. We are such easy targets for the press, for lawyers, and for our political parties to think that it is OK to mess with our psyche?  Why not.  Our parents did.  Our teachers did.  When do we begin to think for ourselves without everyone else thinking they have a right to stop this process?  Explain this to me.

Well. here is my challenge.  Whenever you find yourself developing anger or hatred as you listen to or watch a news broadcast, turn the tables.  Do your own spin.  Instead of believing the Republican, pretend he is a Democrat.  Oh, thank God someone in Congress sees clearly.  Pretend your President is not a far leftist but more moderate or more conservative.  Does his policy make more sense?  Do you want to defend him more?   I'm not saying it works all of the time, but it does slow down the process of continually being spoon-fed.  Kool-aid has too much sugar for my taste.  Hey, press, do you honestly think you can manipulate my viewpoint?  Explain this to me.

My Powder Puff List - Don't Wait Until You Kick the Bucket!

Powder Puff list?  Why not?  My Bucket List is overflowing and, though filled with good intentions, always has the pretense of future possibilities.  And with the emphasis on Future, my focus for today becomes less intent.  Just like my typical phrase, "I will start my diet on Monday".  Forgot to add the year to that - Monday in the year 2020 'cause you have a bigger bucket of excuses, don't you, Elaine.

Thus was born my Powder Puff list.  For those of the non-baby boomer generation, there used to be a wonderful gadget called a Compact.  You kept it in your purse and, though you may have applied the pressed powder to your face that morning, good grooming dictated a quick glance latter in the day to make sure that the nose was not drawing too much attention.  It was a clever way to due a quick survey of the face.  If a touch-up was needed, you took that little puff and daintily patted "whatever".  To the observer, there may not have been any noticeable transformation, but once the compact was tucked back into the purse, the very act of attending to oneself, even for a brief moment, tended to rejuvenate not the face, but the mind in some way.  We smiled, we sat taller, we felt "repaired".

Now, for those who know me, they will attest to the fact that I tend to speak in metaphors.  For those who don't, I imagine that there is a lot of head scratching to determine where I am going with this.  Well, I don't want any head scratching.  Allow me to lay this out for you like a fine tooth comb.  Oh forgive me.  I can't help myself.

The first example I used was my endless diet.  There are many reasons that I will begin a diet.  The most frequent one?  Well, let's just say that it was "other oriented".  Not for me but for - a wedding; a high school reunion; a vacation; the beginning of summer; oops - the middle of summer; darn - for my September birthday; OK - I meant for Halloween; for Thanksgiving; for Christmas.  Oh the hell with it - It's my new years resolution, of course!  And the list goes on and on and on ad finitum.

Notice that in all of the motivators to begin this elusive diet, not once, not once did I mention health, or to feel better, or to break the bonds of carb addiction.  And also notice, just like the bucket list, my goal was always oriented on the future.  So what if I screw up today, there is always tomorrow.

Well, that last sentence actually bears some truth and has been misused by me in so many ways.  By "giving in to temptation" today - if I screw up - I can restart tomorrow.  Was it really temptation?  Did I screw up?  Why label it in such a negative way?

So - here are two things that I need to work on for my Powder Puff list.  One - don't ever do anything unless it is in your best interest.  Do I honestly think that being thinner will make a difference in what other people think?  Well, poor example.  Obesity, a national epidemic, has shown that others who do not know us do judge us from outward appearances.  First impressions can be a bitch.  But they don't define who we are.  What others perceive, how they feel, and how those feelings effect their behaviors toward us are a reflection of them, not of us.  And the opposite can be said of us.  If we allow our weight to change the perception of who we are, our feelings can be effected (believe me, I have seen depression and poor self-esteem emanate from their beautiful souls).  As a result, our behaviors may result in canceling the reunion, sitting in the back pew of the church, choosing not to sit at the pool, or deciding - what the heck - gorging on birthday cake, Halloween candy, Pumpkin Pie and Christmas cookies.

Phew!  We need to steer this out of control mindset, this future and other oriented mindset, back on course.  Otherwise, when we come to that fork in the road, we ignore Frost's advice and avoid the one less travelled and choose the road of comfort as it is familiar, and the pot holes are known to us.  Yet we always expect those pot holes to be filled in with little to no effort on our part. Who was it that said, "The definition of insanity is to do the same thing over and over again, expecting a different result."  Albert Einstein.

And that brings me to number Two - don't curse if you hit a pot hole.  You know, someone mentioned to me that living in Cleveland means lots of pot holes and a losing season for the Browns, I mean the Cavs, I mean the Indians.  Oh what the heck, we are cursed.  See, there it is - the cursed notion.  Our mindset is busy at work again.

When we set a goal for ourselves, even a realistic one, we may find that the path to achieving the goal is not always a smooth one.  Note to self, "refer to potholes aforementioned".  And as a result, we often tend to be critical of our efforts, of ourselves, even of others.  This, my friends, is a self-inflicted poison.  Why?  With criticism comes a defeatist attitude and that attitude gives rise to a number of different, unwanted and unhealthy behaviors.  "I'm a loser." "I will never make my goal."  "Oh, what the hell - I'll just give up." "There is always tomorrow".

Now I mentioned earlier that the last statement referring to tomorrow has been misused.  In actuality, it creates a dichotomy.  It permits us to do carte blanche today - to a point of possibly being reckless, and yet it also gives us the hope that things will be better.

What if we were to say, "there is always the next second?".  Whoa.  Pressure is on.  I still, however, have retained the hope that I can redirect my thoughts and actions, but by holding myself accountable today - well actually this minute,  I am less likely to be so reckless.  My frontal lobe remains intact and I begin to recognize that I am human and that I am not perfect.  And if I am more cognizant of that, I am less likely to through slings and arrows of this outrageous misfortune.  Who was it that, after thousands of efforts to create the light bulb said, "I have not failed.  It just took 10,000 efforts to succeed"?  Thomas Edison.

So my Powder Puff list is quite the opposite of a Bucket List.  It does not include climbing Mt. Everest or playing Tchaikovsky's Concerto in B Flat minor with the Cleveland or Pittsburgh Symphony Orchestra.  Oh, no.  It contains a list of things that I can do for ME this very DAY.  And what I accomplish or do not accomplish will always be defined as a success, as it was done with good intentions.

My Powder Puff list today, or for that matter, always, will include making good choices, simple choices, that will make up the majority of my day.  I will follow my heart and know that I am not selfish, but am on a path of being the best that I can be.  And, at the end of the day, I will be at peace and know that I did my best with all of the good and bad circumstances the day had brought me.  And when I rest my head on my pillow, I can honestly say that I had no regrets.

And each day will be different.  It will offer challenges to my way of thinking.  But here is how I plan to get through it.

I will remove the compact and look into the mirror, which reminds me that, first, I AM me.  Don't forget to do something for yourself, Elaine.  And secondly, should a flaw be noted, the powder puff is there to offer forgiveness and to remind me that nothing is unrepairable.  

So,  Who said, "If I should fall (not fail - that was not a misspelling), I will pick myself up, powder myself off, smile into the mirror, and start all over again"?  Elaine Campbell